Have you ever had a moment when you wished you could look back and say, "If I knew then what I know now, I would have/would never have ______________"? I have spent most of my life now working in education, and many of those days and nights have been spent in conversations with teachers, adolescents and parents of adolescents. One of the refrains that populated many of those conversations contained the phrase "if I only knew".
It is, I believe, in our nature to be second-guessers, spiritual Monday morning quarterbacks, regularly wondering if one decision or another was the right one. This is especially true when choices we made seem to take us through a series of turbulent and stormy trials, many of which we wanted to escape rather than endure. Sickness, separation, alienation from people we once loved or trusted, divorce, even death - they all leave us with layers of "if I only knew" statements.
Who wouldn't love to have their life choices written with the finger of God across the sky so clearly that it could not be missed? On second thought, the sky would probably be cloudy all day from all the message he would be writing. But seriously, would it not make life easier to know in advance what was coming. Even thinking those words gave me pause to say, "Maybe not, Randy."
What makes many of those conversations with people more disturbing is when something drastic or even tragic happens - a lost opportunity to remain in a certain city, position, school, or home, sometimes making a choice because of a person's influence, or rationalizing it must be God's will, or maybe an act of desperation.
Others have lives marked with loss - of a friendship or a marriage, or even the loss of a job - or even a life, some accidental, others sadly intentional. The results of those decisions of the past often linger for years. Apart from the fallout from some of those choices is the resulting guilt, either self-imposed or externally placed by supposedly well-meaning 'friends' and self-righteous onlookers whose fingers and tongues cannot seem to get enough venom into your spirit.
Questions repeat themselves in our minds in an unending chorus:
- Did I choose the wrong road to drive that night?
- If I knew he would die . . .
- How did I miss those red flags?
- What if I had not gone to the store that day?
- Was this the right choice?
- If I had not listened to him . . .
For many, if we are honest, would say with conviction, I wish God would have told me this would have happened. The Bible is filled with men and women who probably would have taken "Door #2" if they knew the road they would travel in advance.
- Joseph, if told in advance that his brothers would hate him so much they would try to kill him and to spend years alone in an Egyptian prison - would he cry out, "God, thanks for the preview, but I would rather take door #2."
- Job, if told he would lose his children, his livestock, his crops, his fortune - would he have taken all that loss, disappointment and pain if he knew it all ahead of time?
- We know a missionary to Mombasa named Ralph Bethea, who was traveling with his wife to pick up their children at the Christian school 200 miles away for Easter Break. Ralph stopped when he saw a man lying by the road. When he did, four men jumped from the bush with machetes, mortally wounding he and his wife. As she lay dying, she told Ralph, "Don't hate them. Jesus died for them, too. Take care of our children. I love you." And she was gone.
Ralph stayed in Mombasa, and after six months of no results in the marketplace where he shared his faith, he was ready to give up. Finally, one crippled man gave his life to Jesus, and within six weeks, 50,000 Muslims decided to follow Jesus as Lord, and there were many other miracles during the coming days.
I wonder if Ralph would have knowingly gone to Mombasa had he known in advance he would lose his wife?
These words are not easy to write,nor are they easy to read. If God were to show me everything that would happen after I made a decision to follow Him, would I still follow His leading? Listen to the words of Job, who bore the brunt of more than most have ever endured: "Though He may slay me, yet will I trust Him." (13:15)
The teacher in me sees the wisdom of trusting that the Good Shepherd knows what is best for His sheep, and I need to lean heavily by faith on His leading, often with trembling. Though the way into the valley may seem dark, though the mountain may appear to be too high - I know from looking back the character of my God to be true and constant. When everything behind us and around us is in chaos and confusion, looking forward we can see a loving Lord who stands on the stormy sea and bids us to take the step off of the boat - One. Step. At. A. Time.
If God were to show me what were to happen after I made a decision to follow Him, would I still do it?
Looking back, I can look forward. 2 Timothy 2:13 sings to my spirit: "If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown himself."
I am His, and He is mine.
You are His. He is yours. He will never leave you or desert you (Heb. 13:5).
We don't need Door #2.
